The Vending Machine Hoedown is an edition of the Hoedown game from the American version of Whose Line? It was performed in Episode 8-20 by Brad Sherwood, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, and Ryan Stiles, with Laura Hall on piano.
I'm a human vending machine, it's really awfully dandy.
Just give me your money 'cause my belly's full of candy.
Look right through the display in the window, here's the glass.
Give me your quarter, I'll shoot some candy [out my ass].
I love vending machines, that is why I sing.
In this new-fangled age, you can get almost anything.
You can get a bible if you're a theologian,
and if you're really horny, you can even get a Trojan.
There's a song about a vending machine, I hope it makes much sense.
Just listen very carefully, because it's totally in French.
Singing a song about a vending machine.
Don't you know that is really not my scene?
Trying to think of something clever with a little twist.
If we do another "Hoedown", I'll slit my fucking wrist.
I'll slit my [fucking] wrist!