- "Through The Garden Gate"
- Archie Hahn - Stephen King
- Josie Lawrence - Lousia M. Alcott (Little Women)
- Paul Merton - The person who writes the Janet and John books
- John Sessions - Charles Dickens
- Sound Effects
- Paul Merton (Acting) and Archie Hahn (Sounds)
- Scene: Getting Dressed
- Song Styles
- Josie Lawrence and John Sessions
- Singing about: Telephone
- Style: Sondheim (Josie), Reggae (John)
- World's Worst
- Type of Newsreader.
- Pairs: Josie and Archie, John and Paul
- Party Quirks
- Host: Paul Merton
- John - Theatre Director
- Josie - Agony Aunt
- Archie - Werewolf
- Archie Hahn
- Winner reads it in the style of an American Sports Commentator.