Well, I know that we're in matrimony,
But I cheated on you, so I feel just like a phony.
Now girl you see from the day that we've been married,
I was sleeping with you but I was making love to Drew Carey.
Let me tell you ever since I was thirteen,
You've given me the best lovin' and that I've ever seen.
Let me tell you something that I know you can't stand,
I've been cheating on you with my other hand.
Yes I've cheated on you, I've had women by the score.
At last count it was over eighty-four.
I don't care that you're mad or your pride is bent,
'Cause I've just been pardoned by the ex-president.
I cheated on my wife with her sister and her mother.
I also slept with her cousin and her brother.
Boy, when she heard, boy did it sting her.
The good news is next week we're on Jerry Springer.
We're on Jerry Springer!